I often wondered what was going through Jasmine’s mind when my mother walked into her store and gave her that card. My mom said, “she looked like Aerial the wide-eyed mermaid”. I smiled because I know that look. I’ve caused that look to happen myself. Sometimes I even wondered if she dyed her hair fiery red just for me. It seems like she did it right after she got really pissed off by my stealthy twitter stalker poetry verses. After thinking about it, I decided to go ahead and share the inner story of how these ridiculous set of circumstances unfolded.
Obviously I did get baptized and asked for a chick, but it was only because I have been so goddamn unfortunate with women. They scare the fuck out of me. I guess because God knows the future, he just pointed a finger in Jasmine’s direction. When I arrived at my destination in life as a spacey time traveler would, it just so happened to be I met her during the same month I started going to AA. There’s a dream about AA too, but we’ll get to that in a second. The moment I walked in and saw the smile on Jasmine’s face, I felt a huge sense of belonging and also a strange aura of Deja-vu lingering around.
After some time, I kind of found myself having a soft spot in my heart for her, but she was only 19 and I wasn’t even thinking about her like that… yet. One day I saw her talking to this guy and it seemed like she really liked him, and later that night, I spontaneously prayed for her. I asked God to send a really good guy into her life, one that would make her happy. Within seconds of mentioning Jasmine’s name to my higher Power, I instantly had a vision of her wearing a blue dress and she was smiling at me like crazy. I was like, “no, no she’s way too young”. I didn’t think much of it, but about 3 months later while at an AA meeting at GV, my friend curt, brought his new girl to the meeting and she was wearing a blue dress. He introduced us and then we began the meeting. During our meeting, I couldn’t help but notice this girl was literally staring at me the entire time and smiling, like she was in love with me. It was the strangest thing ever. I know I helped Curt a lot in AA, and maybe that was the reason why. I wondered where this dream took place. I recall all the glass doors, and then I had an oh duh moment, it was the Kirkoff center.
We have something in AA called the promises, and they’re a promise for a full life if you follow the steps and give up drinking. This girl was curt’s promise in life. That really got my attention and then after that, I started thinking that maybe my higher Power was trying to tell me something. It was until this weird day came where I messaged her on facebook like an idiot thinking she was interested in me. I went into Joost vapor one night with the intention to ask her out, and she happened to be alone for a moment, but I completely choked the fuck up. It seemed like she was kind of mad or emotional after I left. I knew I fucked up. So the next day I prayed and asked for her to be there working, and to my surprise, on her day off, she was there hanging out. I knew I was getting rejected for blowing her off, but I went in there and felt like a total dumbfuck to ask her out anyway. I basically just did because I thought she wanted me to and I didn’t want her to think I didn’t like her, but I guess it was in vain. She totally had no idea what I was talking about.
It wasn’t long after my 31st birthday and I was feeling very depressed. I felt like my life was over and it was too late. I prayed and just simply asked my higher Power to reveal my path and purpose in life and whom I share it with. Then I fell asleep and had that dream that was a sequel to one many years before. Then I went on to Jasmine’s face book and started browsing through her photos. I find this one of her when she was like 16, and I pretty much about fell on the floor. I was so shocked, my body was tingling. It was awe inspiring. She never smiled in the dream, but I guess God was like saving that moment for me to witness in person. She really does have the most beautiful smile, and ya know, that alone will give the right guy a million reasons to make her happy.
AA was a higher calling in my life. I’ll share one of my pages in my journal. I put a pentagram with a note on it after it comes true.
I’ll never forget the first time I noticed the AA coin. It took me like 2 months to connect the dots. This is really the reason I ended up being so involved. I felt it was meant to be. Anyway, that night the police showed up outside my house I pretty much felt defeated. I started shaking, then started crying, and then when I went to bed, the real miracle happened. I fucking got turned on by it. The thought of Jasmine cuffing me up turned me on, and then it set into event a series of motions that led to my reconciliation with my transgender issues. I dreamed about my trench coat two years before I even started AA, so it goes to show you how far this dream thing has been guiding me through life. It’s fucking crazy, but it’s beautiful and inspiring too.
In all fairness, I am such a sweetheart, but I’ve decided to get a little angry about it so I ordered myself a new wig to properly express my emotions, and trust me, it’s going to be fucking epic. Meet Khloe, she’s gonna act like a little brat and throw a fit, but she’s gonna make it extra fucking sexy just for Jasmine 🙂
PS. I still have the poem I wrote about you when you were 16. Been saving that one for a rainy day 🙂