I’m not really sure where to begin here, but I’ll do my best. I have no factual proof that Jasmine has ever laid her pretty eyes on this web page. I pretty much began with nothing but an explanation for my actions, and in return, received nothing but silence. Call it faith, call it intuition, but it doesn’t matter. I have always trusted in my dreams and I saw her reading and watching from a distance. I also saw her reactions as well, so I faithfully kept it going based on trust. Eventually I ended up checking my web server’s web stats, and I noticed a mobile IP user was using up a good amount of bandwidth, so I convinced myself it was her.
Never did I expect this random accident, born in the parking lot of Meijer, to turn into the emotional pouring out of my heart and soul. When it comes to the regard of dreams, there’s many different explanations. Biblically, they are known as visions and pure insight given by God. It is believed that angels are the bearers of our prayers and they mediate between us and God. Regardless of your beliefs, I sought to show off a little bit with a subtle gesture. The moment began after I was preparing myself for my third and final “video”. I saw great big letters in bright white cursive read “STOP”. I knew what she meant, so I stopped posting. Naturally, I wondered why. The curiosity drove me crazy, and then I discovered the cold, hard fact I was ill prepared for.
Seeing my Princess with the wrong ring on her finger was downright horrifying to me. Part of me said, “fuck this, I’m done”. That was probably the bad dog speaking, but on the other hand, I said, “wait, this isn’t right”. Before I even began to fall into the pits of despair and grief, more visions came to me while in bed. I saw a round bomb, like a cannonball with a fuse and it lit then blew up. Then out popped a heart with the number 11 inside of it. I saw more similar types visions. One was like a bomber man from the video game dropping bombs, and it was comical as if she was trying to cheer me up. Nevertheless, I wondered what the fuck the number 11 could possibly mean. 11 months? 11 days? 11 weeks? What did it mean?!?!
Even so, more came. I saw a motocross biker, a bottle of booze and like a diamond ring choker type necklace. It made an impression and after everything that happened, I found myself unable to doubt. I developed this phobia of checking Jasmine’s Facebook. It was downright depressing that she disappeared entirely. I didn’t want to look. I didn’t want to even know, but on a hunch I looked her up a couple of weeks after the visions, then there she was. She updated her profile picture on September 11th. Haha, the girl that called 911 on me! How ironic. I know she made her profile private just for me. The pieces fit. Why contemplate the obvious? What chokes me all up was how brief that lasted. I was devastated all over again, but I didn’t bother to contact her because I knew I shouldn’t. That brief window was tempting, but I just couldn’t do it because I’m the kind of person that gives people time. It’s in my nature.
Either way, I wanted her to know that she was in my thoughts, so I updated the blog. Jasmine went from a face to an eye. Before, I could see her clearly, but now when she reads its like an eye peeping through a hole. It seems to me like she’s afraid of something, and ya know, I can totally relate. I will never forget shaking from head to toe over this sensational feeling. And while I’m on the subject, I should say love is a scary thing. To love someone is one thing, but to be in love is totally another. If I’m reading between the lines of what I saw and what happened, then love never existed until this. Something like that however, would be hard to admit. Something like that would come from a woman with a huge heart and loving intentions, and I would have to say it began to blossom in a selfless manner. A beautiful woman can make any man happy, but there’s only one man’s life she can save. That is a priceless gift. I thought about this notion back in July, honestly, and I sought an answer to give Her a gift back that is equally as fitting. It is not something money can buy, because pricelessness requires self-sacrifice. So I was thinking maybe I could help you repopulate the Bechtel family tree. That would be my gift to you. Besides, I’m a transgender girl, I wouldn’t mind, honestly 🙂
When I said the future is female, I want you to know I truly meant it. So after you’re done being a 21 year old college girl, we should get together and talk. You tell me what you want in life, and I will do my absolute best to make it as perfect for you as I can. I will be totally and completely happy just making your dreams come true; after all, you are the Reason I am still here.