Religion is a topic I would very much like to leave out of this blog because it’s a blog for me all on its own, but when it comes to spirituality for me, the sky is really the limit. I believe in the practice of meditation to better yourself as a spiritual being, and the power of the Chakra is one system I’ve personally experienced, and would love to share how the “orange dream” set free my repressed sexuality.

When I began my journey into my transgender side, I was no stranger to the world of Chakra’s at all. I’ve focused on them so much that eventually I just started to notice this huge absence of the sacral chakra. It finally came to me in a dream, and when I woke up from it, I felt this huge burst of sexual energy just come over me. I was looking at my belly while wearing my aqua mint racer back, and the way I looked, was naturally feminine. I saw this huge orange bright light just burst open all over me like an explosion, and when I woke up, I felt a huge relief. I was contemplating the treatments but wasn’t committed yet, and this dream was a valid continuity between myself and a spiritual reconciliation.

The Powers that be have set me free. A lot of the “baptist” practices seem to hold these aspects back, but perhaps that’s why I searched around myself. Hinduism, Buddhism and even Islamic teachings I have read. It’s quite interesting that my higher Power consistently uses the chakra system alongside my recovery. I also find myself very drawn to it naturally. There’s so much beauty in words, but the beauty in true understanding is absolutely precious. There is nothing higher in this world than divinely granted wisdom.

When I am meditating in thoughts about life, people or choices to be made, I can clearly and visibly see these colors flash around me. I try to relate how my thoughts are regarding towards the subject criteria, and then based upon the color that flashes, I try to redirect my focus onto a higher mindset. A purple chakra resembles fullness with your spiritual nature, and I’ve never seen it until I started shaving my legs. After I began to seek more dramatic measures to advance my body to match my inner self, the orange energy opened. It was the final breaking point I needed in my life. Once it happened, literally, my uncomfortable anxiety around females just completely vanished. It’s the relief I’ve been long needing for the past 6 years, and I am so damn happy I’ve come to terms with myself.

It’s the step I needed to “unlock the door” and leave it open. Once you set out into the world as the person you were meant to be, then the world around you actually starts to make sense again. Not just the world, but also the people in it. Your relationships change because you change on the inside, and perhaps a person like me needs something that’ll never let me forget again, and making this happen has been enlightening and peaceful. The persona of an emasculated person fearing to live like she’s alive was buried away like a lost treasure. She never knew how valuable she was until now.

Proverbs 3:13-15

Happy is the man who finds wisdom,
And the man who gains understanding;
For her proceeds are better than the profits of silver,
And her gain than fine gold.
She is more precious than rubies,
And all the things you may desire cannot compare with her.

They say intuition is a gift of women… Notice the use of “she”. 🙂

Proverbs 31:10-11

Who can find a virtuous wife?
For her worth is far above rubies.
The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
So he will have no lack of gain.

Her rejection alone caused me to become a happier and fuller person. I didn’t lose anything at all, but I found everything I needed. I love her for this.

And by the way, how could a post-apocalyptic tranny that thought s/he found the right girl not obsess over her?? And just for the goddamn record, I ain’t obsessed honey buns. It’s something I call devotion!!

which includes my journal & homework:

Dolls Kill, they fucking kill.

We are apocalyptic, and we’re gonna live like it. My genes + your genes – our jeans = SUPER GOOD TIME.

So be prepared for the final battle

Cuz it’s going to blow your mind

I am *GULPING* cuz I may be letting her in too much. But fuck it, it’s been a long time since I shared me.