Month: July 2017

Confessions of a Sacred Heart

I often wondered what was going through Jasmine’s mind when my mother walked into her store and gave her that card. My mom said, “she looked like Aerial the wide-eyed mermaid”. I smiled because I know that look. ย I’ve caused that look to happen myself. Sometimes I even wondered if she dyed her hair fiery red just for me. It seems like she did it right after she got really pissed off by my stealthy twitter stalker poetry verses. After thinking about it, I decided to go ahead and share the inner story of how these ridiculous set of circumstances unfolded.

Obviously I did get baptized and asked for a chick, but it was only because I have been so goddamn unfortunate with women. They scare the fuck out of me. I guess because God knows the future, he just pointed a finger in Jasmine’s direction. When I arrived at my destination in life as a spacey time traveler would, it just so happened to be I met her during the same month I started going to AA. There’s a dream about AA too, but we’ll get to that in a second. The moment I walked in and saw the smile on Jasmine’s face, I felt a huge sense of belonging and also a strange aura of Deja-vu lingering around.

After some time, I kind of found myself having a soft spot in my heart for her, but she was only 19 and I wasn’t even thinking about her like that… yet. One day I saw her talking to this guy and it seemed like she really liked him, and later that night, I spontaneously prayed for her. I asked God to send a really good guy into her life, one that would make her happy. Within seconds of mentioning Jasmine’s name to my higher Power, I instantly had a vision of her wearing a blue dress and she was smiling at me like crazy. I was like, “no, no she’s way too young”. I didn’t think much of it, but about 3 months later while at an AA meeting at GV, my friend curt, brought his new girl to the meeting and she was wearing a blue dress. He introduced us and then we began the meeting. During our meeting, I couldn’t help but notice this girl was literally staring at me the entire time and smiling, like she was in love with me. It was the strangest thing ever. I know I helped Curt a lot in AA, and maybe that was the reason why. I wondered where this dream took place. I recall all the glass doors, and then I had an oh duh moment, it was the Kirkoff center.

We have something in AA called the promises, and they’re a promise for a full life if you follow the steps and give up drinking. This girl was curt’s promise in life. That really got my attention and then after that, I started thinking that maybe my higher Power was trying to tell me something. It was until this weird day came where I messaged her on facebook like an idiot thinking she was interested in me. I went into Joost vapor one night with the intention to ask her out, and she happened to be alone for a moment, but I completely choked the fuck up. It seemed like she was kind of mad or emotional after I left. I knew I fucked up. So the next day I prayed and asked for her to be there working, and to my surprise, on her day off, she was there hanging out. I knew I was getting rejected for blowing her off, but I went in there and felt like a total dumbfuck to ask her out anyway. I basically just did because I thought she wanted me to and I didn’t want her to think I didn’t like her, but I guess it was in vain. She totally had no idea what I was talking about.

It wasn’t long after my 31st birthday and I was feeling very depressed. I felt like my life was over and it was too late. I prayed and just simply asked my higher Power to reveal my path and purpose in life and whom I share it with. Then I fell asleep and had that dream that was a sequel to one many years before. Then I went on to Jasmine’s face book and started browsing through her photos. I find this one of her when she was like 16, and I pretty much about fell on the floor. I was so shocked, my body was tingling. It was awe inspiring. She never smiled in the dream, but I guess God was like saving that moment for me to witness in person. She really does have the most beautiful smile, and ya know, that alone will give the right guy a million reasons to make her happy.

AA was a higher calling in my life. I’ll share one of my pages in my journal. I put a pentagram with a note on it after it comes true.

I’ll never forget the first time I noticed the AA coin. It took me like 2 months to connect the dots. This is really the reason I ended up being so involved. I felt it was meant to be. Anyway, that night the police showed up outside my house I pretty much felt defeated. I started shaking, then started crying, and then when I went to bed, the real miracle happened. I fucking got turned on by it. The thought of Jasmine cuffing me up turned me on, and then it set into event a series of motions that led to my reconciliation with my transgender issues. I dreamed about my trench coat two years before I even started AA, so it goes to show you how far this dream thing has been guiding me through life. It’s fucking crazy, but it’s beautiful and inspiring too.

Briana’s Turn….

In all fairness, I am such a sweetheart, but I’ve decided to get a little angry about it so I ordered myself a new wig to properly express my emotions, and trust me, it’s going to be fucking epic. Meet Khloe, she’s gonna act like a little brat and throw a fit, but she’s gonna make it extra fucking sexy just for Jasmine ๐Ÿ™‚


PS. I still have the poem I wrote about you when you were 16. Been saving that one for a rainy day ๐Ÿ™‚

Transfiguration of Lonely Birds

While flying through the darkness of lonely nights, she looked down and saw a gathering of scurrying creatures. A long and treacherous voyage left her searching for her starbound lover, but the raccoons seemed playfully arousing. Landing on her feet, she rummaged through the trash and joined the others on their forest floor.

A never ending sorrow fled from her, and she morphed into a shroud of nocturnal critters. Was it her hair or her makeup that wasn’t quite right? An inspired change set into the spinning emotional confines of her mind, then she chose her cards carefully and rearranged the deck as a dark magician fading into the night.

Warming up for my next video shoot! ?

Rabid Raccoon

Briana and the Blowfish

It happens to the best of us. Vulnerability kind of crept up on me lately. It’s really shocking that I feel this way about a younger Woman, but it’s pretty nice once the blowfish releases the air. Today was really wonderful. I’ve been a little depressed this last week over some big financial bills and all the mandatory 12 hour shifts I’ve been working, but I’ve finally caught up. I had my 5th appointment today and I decided to wear my slim levi’s with my new Puma girl’s workforce boots. My Silverado gets a lot of attention, but nothing like my walk through the parking lot where I saw two girls fully check me out. They had the stop chewing your bubble gum and drop your jaw kinda look on their face. Then afterwards at the gas station, I got checked out by several guys. I don’t think they were even gay, but goddamn their eyes were feasting upon my tight little ass.

It put me in a really great mood again, so I ate another bag of tacos and uploaded some pictures! Last night, I was pretty down in the dumps. I meditated a bit and I felt like I was missing something. I see the blue and red chakras daily, mostly blue. Expressing yourself with communication is essential to living a happy life and blue guides your proper expressions, while red steers you away from thoughts that could prohibit your spiritual growth. I ended the night with both purple and green, which is a GREAT sign. I wrote some words in my journal, then called it a night!

I am thinking this weekend I’ll be working so I am going to try and do my next photo shoot the following weekend. I am going to make it extra super special and sexy this time. I want to embed the scenery with symbolic imagery and subliminal contexts that fully expresses the Gifts of High Places.

Me having fun in my new room! Can you feel my curves coming to life??

I relocated into the basement. My dad’s old gun room has become my new bat cave!

Love my new boots! My carhartts were too soft, but on the plus side these are way cuter. I got a few compliments from the guys at work too!

Thats my tight little ass. I’m thinking a brazilian butt lift is gonna be my next investment.

Peace out old room. Had some fun before I left her!

Rivet studs and fishnets; they were totally meant to be together. โค๏ธ?

Been saving these boots for a rainy day…

They have rings on them, so I’ll probably wear them when I’m in need of some shackling for being naughty.

Anyway, I am really trying my best here to open up. I’ve been through a lot and sometimes it’s like I just emotionally shut off around women when I become interested. I’m working on it the best I can….

From my journal:

Promises and Knowledge

Jasmine Flower,

I am pretty much a submissive transgender. Deep down my desire is to be your girl, and be a girl with you. I am also a very loyal woman, and when I find intimacy, I am obedient to my lovers. This is why I’ve struggled so much in life. I fall for the wrong girl every time, and I fall extremely hard because of it. When I’m making love, I’m always the woman in the bed room. It’s being a man that makes me incredibly vulnerable. I give my heart fully upon the condition of love, which is why I’ve needed so much Help. The only promises I can make is that my love is unconditional and my surrender is absolute.

You’ll have no demands made of you, ever. ย You will always feel completely free with me, yet safe and warm in my arms. I couldn’t live my life being completely powerless to women anymore because that’s a feeling reserved for the sanctuary of the right woman. Whenever you decide you need a change in life, I’ll be the Answer you’ve been looking for… and that’s a Promise I can keep.

-Brian ๐Ÿ™‚

Well that’s enough sappy romance for one night. Chakra girl and Briana say good night. Sweet dreams ๐Ÿ™‚ XOXOXO

PS. How could you ever say no to legs like this??? ๐Ÿ™‚

When I'm Free

Music cannot be lived without. It is a prerequisite for a meaningful life. Sharing mine isn’t something I do often pretty much because I don’t know anyone else that listens to it. At my last visit with LightRX, I was talking with the new girl, Stephanie, about music and apple gadgets. Then we got onto the topic of darkness, and she immediately became an interesting person in my eyes. We both enjoy alternative musics apparently, but then we got onto the topic of my goddess metal. I told her about Delain and her symphonies of darkness and light. She got all surprised when I told her the lead vocalists were female. It’s rather uncanny I have this conversation during a crucial moment in my life. She asked me about some other bands like it, and perhaps I turned someone onto it. That made me happy.

I’ll probably be talking to Stephanie a lot since she’s going to be doing my hair removal. The appointments are a grueling two hour session, but it’s nice to be able to share the stuff that I really want to. When I’m at work or around guys I can just pretty much tell they’re uncomfortable around my music which is why I’ve come accustom to listening to your average crap on occasion, but honestly, I could give a fuck less about what’s happening in the club. I’m pretty much over my temporary dubstep craze.

When I listen to it now, it’s just noise. All of the deep emotion in my music is literally the essence keeping me afloat right now. A woman with a powerfully inspiring voice backed by the raw melodic beauty of a symphony is like the most amazing feeling in the world. I literally feel absolutely free when I’m home alone blasting music by myself and just wearing whatever I want. This is really fortunate for me too because I don’t watch TV. I’ll do a movie or occasionally watch a series when I find one I like, but music is my passion. It captures the spirit of an undying flame that still burns within. It’s how I know I’m still going to make it through this bitter illusion called reality. I’m always living in two worlds on one plane of existence. It is simply who I am as a person, and I have this really huge heart so like it always hurts. It’s an ache longing for a much needed relief.

Epica – Storm the Sorrows

The Future is Female

It’s honestly a thought I’ve had in the back of my mind for many years. I imagined if people all had the same views as myself, the world would be a much happier place. Trying to overcome my mistakes from the past while being myself required a lot more work than I would have guessed, but it’s seriously paying off. I had my third appointment at Light Rx and I’ve been getting more insight into female perspectives while going there. Chasity was telling me about how disgusting men’s toe hair was. Then she also started talking about the Electric Forest and Fireworks. It seriously made me think about Jasmine. I was talking to her about the same stuff last 4th of July, and ya know, life is just really fucking ironic like that. It’s even funnier how my higher Power led me to this transitional phase in my life.

Right before I began shoveling my way out of the huge ass hole I dug for myself, I genuinely complained to God about the world around me. My biggest complaint was about the macho bad ass mentality so many Americans have come to embrace. It was also about all the widespread senseless hate surrounding religious views. Islamic and Christian scriptures include much if not most of the same biblical figures and stories, yet we have this ignorant feud spewing between uneducated morons. Biblically, these idiots are known as the “mob”. They partake in this controversy and ignorance simply because they enjoy it. Then you have the LGBT and bible-belt battles, which fucking disgust me even more. There’s clearly a passage in Revelation that talks about the “Angel with the rainbow on his forehead” which literally proves that God made mankind in His own image, and that is 177% completely and totally gay as fuck.

I am done with it now. I am going to live my life as a Buddhist transgender and embrace femininity, peace, love and tranquility. The Zen dynasty kept it together for over 6000 years and it’s really low profile. It’s perfect for a private lifestyle T-girl like myself plus I can actually see the results within minutes from a few hours of meditating.

I begin my laser hair removal process next week and I am super excited, but not about forking over $3600. That part really, really sucks. I am just tired of being a slave to shaving my legs and stuff, so it’s going to be worth it in the long run. Black leg hair and white legs are just so defiant when it comes to having a smooth, sexy and sleek look. I want a girl to get turned on when she’s running her fingers over my body. The stubble must beย dealt with swiftly by the awesome power of an apocalyptic doomsday body hair laser. It will be shown no mercy at all. Complete and utter annihilation is inevitable.

House to myself for the day!! I was so happy wearing my skinny jeans and sandals.

I probably changed my outfit like 3 times. My new capris from Venus are pretty damn nice too!

I was debating on cleaning my room, but taking selfies in the mirror seemed like a better way to spend my time.

I feel pretty hot in my harness. It’s fashionably expressive and sinfully sexy. I love wearing it SO MUCH.

Won’t be long and my new harness should be passing through the Russian Federation customs and then it’s coming home to strap me all up. Trannies like me need sexy restraints, after all it is the reason I had to get baptized. I straight up need to be fucking punished for my naughty school girl behavior.

5 more weeks to go until my treatment is done. And sometime very soon, my new wardrobe will be complete and Briana is going to put on a show the Princess will never forget. I spent the entire evening meditating for the answer I needed. I saw the purple chakra while processing a thought, and then everything began to make perfect sense to me.

Definitely my favorite picture. They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and ya know, I really think this one says it all! ๐Ÿ™‚


Here’s my future girl. She’s gonna rule over me with her hot ass panties.

I’m gonna love it so much that I’ll pretty much just drop to my knees and kiss her ass for the rest of my life.

She is a tough cookie to crack though, so I had to use my rainbow fingers and psychedelic spiritual powers to lure her into my crazed world of transgender matriarchy.

Even so, the Story has a happy and beautiful ending. Cinderella wakes up Sleeping Beauty just in the nick of time and their harmonic love escapes the cruel consequences of turning into a pumpkin on devil’s night. It’s an epic finale that brings all the ironic twists of fate into a world that requires a much needed change, captivating its audience into a cheerfully breathtaking awe.

Then Disneyland be like oooo aaahhh mmmm oh ya fuck me baby!