Wearing women’s clothing is like having a whole new set of eyes. Just by doing it, it opens up the door to an entirely different world. Women touch my hand all the time when I’m buying stuff at a store, but now I’ve had a couple guys literally put their whole hand in mine, which is fine by me. It makes me feel wanted and I suppose I can appreciate the gesture. I also been wearing low cut socks and when I got out of my truck at the home depot today, I saw this lady check out my ankles. She had really short hair and I think she might have been a lesbian, but I liked it. Nothing tops the Gothic girl though. She looked at me rather intimately, like a gaze with the wow factor of a subtle sunset. Honestly, I don’t know how else to express it. I had on some dark pants with bronze studs and women’s shoes along with one of my new screen printed tee’s that is uniquely me. I would’ve liked to talk to her, but I can’t. I have a head full of bad experiences and nothing that is encouraging is in there.
I’ve never made a move on a girl before. All my ex’s seduced me. My first love was sad and heart broken, so I put my arm around her and she kissed me. The next day she took my virginity, and after that I saw her once more, then she blocked me out of her life. Randomly like a year later, she came back and had this new boyfriend and wanted to be friends and stuff. It struck me as odd, and it was. She ended up driving me out into the woods late one night where three of her guy friends were waiting to rob me for a bottle of oxycontin. They came out in black ski masks and with guns and made me get on my knees and stuff. I’ll definitely never forget her. She steals my fucking virginity, then tries to steal my goddamn drugs. I say try because I hid that shit good.
Between my first love and my last, I got fucked pretty good and hard. There’s nothing like waiting for 9 months expecting to be a dad and then suddenly, you’re not. I watched him come into this world and I even gave him a name. I chose to call him Noah. I think the shock of it all never really hit me until a couple years later, and then I pretty much just cried myself to sleep for two solid years straight. The day I picked up drinking was the worst decision I ever made. Instead of crying myself to sleep, I would just get so drunk I would black out. It’s hard to come out of something like that and just dive into the sober consequences of reality, but it was by far the best choice I ever made in my life. With all the blinders removed, my eyes are completely open. I’m simply a woman trapped in a man’s body and expressing it openly is the only path I can take if I want to live a functional life and share it intimately with Super Girl.
This is why an owl can see in the dark. When the future is out of reach, it’s time to delve into the past. All the things not sitting right within became settled, and then I saw my innermost reflection. It was the most beautiful moment in my life, yet I had to look the devil in the eye and decipher through all the lies; then the truth came out.
The person I am has become, and it’s someone who I can live with, honestly. In my search for all the answers I was looking for, I found all the pieces needed. The troubles of my life are over, and it’s time for new troubles to begin. It’s the end of chapter six in my life because I feel like the next will bring me happiness.
Optimism in pure darkness doesn’t fool an owl because the owl lives in darkness, but there will always be a place called home to fly to; and whatever she sees at night will find her. Who are we looking for? The answer is within ourselves. Digging deep only requires pressure and time.
Light the lonely forest with rainbows glowing in the dark, after all that’s really what life is all about.
, black nail polish,
AND FISHNET STOCKINGS!!!!
Seriously though, I know how to rock a fucken pair of fishnet stockings.